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Heart Talk July 15 : Three Musketeers

Earlier this year, I made a promise to myself, out of disappointment and hurt of the past break up, that I would not be with a guy in a serious relationship for a year. For the entire of 2015. I’m just gonna focus on improving myself and spend more time on myself. Just enjoy being free. And I kinda like it. Tho loneliness would come creeping in every now and then but I’m fine, happy. 

Then God tested me. I met Mejar, who asked for my hand in marriage and he’s someone I couldn’t resist. Because he is and has everything I have ever wanted for in a man. Mummy and Daddy were okay with it and I would just go along. God knows best. And not long after, he went missing in action. I was disappointed but at that time, I can’t afford to feel anything. I took it as a reminder of that promise I made. 

All sorts of guys came along after that. Proud to say, I don’t have the heart or feelings to be anything more than friends with them. Until this three musketeers appear…. 

They are the reason I’m writing tonight. 

Dutchman : Qawiem type of guy. Wears mostly branded clothes and really really really extremely love to show off. It’s annoying but he has some other great quality to him. He drinks coffee and hangs around in coffee shops. Definitely the kind of guy I’d love to be on a date with. And he did openly state his desire to make me his - to flirt and shower with sweet talks. 

375378 : A cadet. One I’ve been wanting, waiting for so long. We said we’d be best friends but we flirt with each other constantly. A complete opposite of Dutchman. A very nice guy to talk to, he’d listen to everything I say, just like best friends do. We did a heart to heart talk sesh and he admitted that he’s not into relationships anymore. He locked his heart shut, tight. 

Roku : Funny how I can’t describe this guy. Lulz. A really really really great guy to talk to. We sorta have a same track of mind - differing opinions do happen. Very, very, very supportive. I’m writing again because of him. He said he did have a little hope of being more, but for some reasons, he’s not going for it.

I’m not used to dealing with this kind of things. I’ve had friends, people, asking for my advice when it comes to this. But I’ve never experienced it myself. And usually I’d say, “Close your eyes, imagine your future…. Who do you see yourself with?” Now, time to take my own advice. 

I really dont wanna hurt anybody. I may have been giving hope to them without meaning to. That’s why I’m torn. I would love to keep all of them. As my friend, best friend or something. But I know, at least one would go if he ever finds out about this. 

Man, i suck at this. Dang it! 

And i’m afraid to go on another relationship. Not because I havent move on from Od yet, but because I dont wanna screw up again. I dont wanna lose someone great again. But keeping it as we are now….. is tough. Something uncertain is never pleasant. 

God, help me. 

Anyway,







I closed my eyes and I saw…. 

The tall, dark and handsome one. ;) 




P/S : ive been thinking about him all the time im writing this.